The return of M-Wows
My amazing mother, Rhoda Finkelstein, passed away on August 31, 2019, after a week’s stay in the hospital with a litany of major issues, just shy of her 93rd birthday. We said goodbye on day 3 of that week – she felt the end was coming and she wanted to make sure we had that conversation while she was still completely lucid. I am so grateful for the heartfelt goodbye we shared and I know because of it I was ready to let go. Honestly, I was more relieved than I’d ever been in my life that she passed the very day after she was put on palliative care, knowing that she went quickly before she became “un-her.”
I moved my mama up from Florida almost three years prior when she could no longer live alone. She was in assisted living as I couldn’t provide her the professional 24-hour care she would need for the remainder of her life. She was a firecracker and even though her body gave out, her mind was sharp – her sense of humor and her kindness competing for her defining feature. Stories of my mama became my most common topic on my social media, and she started to develop quite the fan club among my friends and acquaintances.
When she passed, the outpouring was truly stunning, including many messages about how folks felt like they knew and loved this woman they had never met through my posts. A few weeks later, I decided to do a series of posts to share some of the most precious lessons I had learned from her over the years. On the second one I dubbed them M-WOWs: Mama’s Words of Wisdom. Every now and then I post a memory of an M-WOW and I’m told how much they are missed. I decided to reintroduce the M-WOW series to my blog, now with a bit of expansion and embellishment.
Please enjoy the update of my first M-WOW from September 17, 2019, entitled Treat Yourself…
The original: I’m starting a series of posts called “Wise lessons from Mama Rhoda”. I have been thinking a lot about all I’ve learned and this way I can share more of it and spread her wisdom. First lesson today: Treat yourself! This was Mama’s ring. She bought it for herself probably back in the 60s (wish I knew when for sure) when she got a raise at work. Both my parents worked hard and we didn’t have tons of money but she knew the pleasure of a once in a while little splurge on something special, within reason.
New reflections: I realized as I thought more about this that there are other subtle and important lessons nestled in here. First, my mama taught me that it is ok to buy yourself gifts that our society often tells us should come from other people as a sign of love. Fine jewelry, and most particularly rings, are quintessentially in this category. I rarely suffer from the guilt at acts of self-care and self-appreciation that seem to be common, especially among women. I think this may be one more thing I can thank my mama for.
Second, my mama was a very hard worker and she was incredibly smart, and she took a lot of pride in what she brought to her workplaces. Although she never used the term “headhunted” (probably a good thing – what a terrible term!), I know she was lured away from more than one workplace to another on more than one occasion because she was so skilled at what she did and so pleasant to work with. She wasn’t shy about sharing those stories and showing pride in the quality of her work and her work ethic. I believe from her I learned that taking pride in good work is different from bragging and is something most definitely worth celebrating.
Lastly, Mama had her own sense of personal style. This ring is not something I would have picked for myself, though I now enjoy wearing it because it is so her. Even into her 90s she was very particular about her clothes and jewelry and putting together a look that made her feel good. Right before she moved into assisted living, we went on a big shopping trip (akin to back to school shopping) and debated on the best look for her “first day” outfit. Treats do not have to cost a lot, but there is something about wearing something new and very you that can help you seize the day!
How will you treat yourself this month?