Aside from the champagne buzz and the smooch at midnight, what makes New Year’s Eve take on a special shimmer of excitement? We’ve culturally created this rite of passage into a fresh start. We call the new goals we put down on the blank page of the new year ‘resolutions,’ somehow making them seem more steadfast than plain old ordinary (yawn) goals. Even if we’ve struggled to actually hold fast to those resolutions and see them through, year after year, we may get a glimmer of hope that this will be the real fresh start we need.

 

As a self-described self-development and planning/organizing junkie, New Year’s is my favorite holiday (I am also a sucker for champagne and smooches). I have a pretty good track record for resolutions (far from perfect) and I find the ritual of reviewing all the wonderful highlights and successes of the year and looking forward to new challenges and adventures for the one to come to be both comforting and thrilling. But, we all know that feeling when the excitement of the newness of the year wanes, winter forges ahead, and a nap is always the right answer. What is a way we can keep that NYE feeling all year round?

 

Enter: New Month’s Eve! I started celebrating New Month’s Eve several years ago and it really was a life changer for me. New Month’s Eve is sort of New Year’s Eve Lite. I set aside an hour or two in the evening. I get out something especially yummy to drink, put it in a very nice glass, and bring it to my favorite chair. Some kind of music that makes me happy and relaxed is a must too. I crack open my trusty journal, and first do some reading. What happened over the course of the month? What was I working through and coming to my journal to sort out? What were the highlights? (I also find looking back on my Facebook timeline to help with this too – that never fails to trigger something fun or funny I forgot all about).

 

I try to spotlight the happy times, and also note things that seemed so huge on a specific day that really became less important or even resolved on its own. I find the more I realize that often happens, the less I freak over things in the moment. For issues I’m still working through, or any goals I haven’t achieved, I put on my non-judgmental problem-solving hat (not literally, but if it was it would be sort of like a Sherlock Holmes hat, I think). How can I take a fresh approach to this in the coming month? What other things do I want to focus on? What fun do I plan to have?

 

I prefer to do this solo, but I could imagine some people wanting to try it as a couple or with friends – maybe talking about highlights and lowlights of the month, getting advice on new approaches, or even setting up accountability partnerships with others working on their own stuff. New Month’s Eve could be an event for a dinner party or a visit to a cozy wine bar, as long as everyone is comfortable talking and sharing.

 

Time and again we hear that it is so helpful to set interim goals and milestones and keep monitoring your progress. What better way to do that, Demand the Shimmer style, than to make it into a party?

 

 

On the main page of demandtheshimmer.com I tell the origin story of how this phrase “demand the shimmer” – something that started as a random sentence built one day long ago from the pieces of a magnetic poetry kit – eventually morphed into one of the guiding principles of my life and now is a philosophy that I am putting out in the world.

 

I’m quite certain I never would have put those three words together in a declarative sentence if I hadn’t had the raw materials in my artist’s magnetic poetry kit, but there they were. I can’t even really remember how long it was before a sentence that just sounded fun to me hit me on the head as guiding principle for a joyful life, but one day it did. What exactly does demand the shimmer mean to me, and what can it mean to you?

 

To me, in simple terms, it means don’t settle. Every day, every action, every meal, every conversation – they have the potential to be special. To sparkle. Or, at least a little bit better than fine. Fine is no way to live. If I ever answer the question “how are you?” with a “fine”, it is time to shake things up. Like right now.

 

I do want to be clear on one thing – when I say demand the shimmer, I am directing that order to myself. This is something on me. I am in control of my choices and my perceptions. Demand the shimmer is not a decree or an excuse to be unfairly demanding of other people.   It is a promise to myself to make little everyday things special. Because little everyday things are life. That’s it.

 

Shimmer in the literal sense brings to mind everything from an excessively expensive diamond ring to a little girl’s glittery notebook (I don’t have or want the former, but I may be known to have purchased the latter as a grown-up, truth be told). Shimmer is not literal though, in this philosophy (ok, once in a while it is, hence the notebook). It is an antonym for dull, okay, fine, meh.

 

So what does this all look like in my life? Here are some ways I demand the shimmer:

 

*   I shower by candlelight every morning. This has completely changed my routine morning routine to a spa-like experience.

 

*   Candles come in later in the day too – I eat by candlelight and with a dinner jazz radio station I created on Pandora playing in the background. This includes weeknights and eating alone. There is nothing about the trappings of a traditional ‘romantic dinner for two’ that can’t be enjoyed by one on any random Tuesday night.

 

*   Any day without a good laugh is a day wasted. Even when there is hard work to be done (maybe even especially when), injecting the day with some lighthearted humor, especially the sort that connects people rather than divides them, adds some shimmer and lightness.

 

I think it’s really important to acknowledge the privilege I come from as I put these ideas in the world. I am a white, middle-class, highly educated, able-bodied, cisgendered woman. I am child-free by choice, though I am involved in the care of my much beloved elderly Mom. I have a good, secure job that can be stressful, but is also challenging and enjoyable. Although I have always had my share of insecurities and anxieties, my mental health is generally strong. I know I am quite fortunate, and not everyone who reads this is – and others may be even more so. I vow to try to check my privilege as I make suggestions in this blog, because I want the general idea of demanding the shimmer to be adaptable, even in more challenging situations.

 

Demanding the shimmer for me is a way to use my creativity and talents to make moments better for me, for my loved ones, and for anyone I encounter. It is not about huge, expensive, or time-consuming gestures; it is about consistently helping the world to sparkle just a little bit more.

 

So how about it? How can you demand the shimmer today?

 

 

Each person reading this may have a different notion of a “retreat.” In business, companies will sometimes organize a retreat or an “off-sight” to re-energize the strategic thinking of their key leaders in a place away from the daily grind. Some people go on religious or meditation retreats to escape daily pressures and immerse themselves in their spiritual practice. Writers’ retreats often offer a place in solitude or among likeminded folk, often in nature, where they can submerge into their work unperturbed.

 

All of these ideas of retreats share some commonality: removing yourself from routine and ordinary pressures, an intense focus, a goal for growth and perhaps a reset when you must return to everyday life. The idea of this appealed to me so much, but I wasn’t quite sure how to do this, how to afford this, and what my focus should be.

 

A few years ago I came up with the idea I called the QTR retreat, which stands for Quarterly Three R’s retreat. The R’s stand for Reflect, Reset, and Recharge. I designed this retreat for myself to be done at home in one full day, from sun-up through bedtime. The goal of this is to really put a magnifying glass on all parts of my life in a loving, nonjudgmental, but honest way, decide what is working and what needs revamping, and pampering myself in a way that makes me feel completely charged up to start the next quarter with my new goals and outlook at the forefront.

 

It has been three years now since I began this process. I started not knowing if it would stick or if it would be a one-off, but I can honestly say they are four of my absolute favorite days of the year. I have been able to maintain excitement for personal and work projects for much longer, gained confidence to try creative projects that I’ve never tried before, all while at the same time feeling like I was being kinder to myself.

 

I can see the benefit of doing something like this away from your home to really feel that traditional sense of retreat (and also to be able to ensure avoiding interruptions), but since I live alone I had more leeway to set up a retreat in my own space (and thus do this really on the cheap!) but in a way where I could avoid the trappings of my usual habits.

 

To truly embrace a demand the shimmer philosophy of life, you must get off of auto pilot and check in with the how you are doing on the path you are on, and if that path is even in the right neighborhood.

 

I am certain that anyone can design something that would work for them personally, but if you are interested in this idea but would like some more guidance in getting started with your own QTR retreat, I have created a detailed guide, available for download for a nominal fee on etsy:   click here 

I always used to say that I was a creature of habit and a person who loved her routines. Characterizing myself this way, though, gave me pause, because frankly it sounds a little boring. Routines – aren’t they kinda, well, routine? And doesn’t routine imply sort of a mindless sequence of events endlessly repeated? Why would I want to define myself through that lens?

 

Over time I’ve come to realize that it isn’t routine that I love – it’s ritual. What’s the difference?

 

Ritual is something that is repeated, yes, but ritual is carried out with intentionality and some degree of reverence. Rituals are carefully orchestrated, not fallen into casually, and hold some special meaning and purpose for the actor. Far from being mindless routines, they involve mindful presence with even the smallest detail of a sequence of actions.

 

If this sounds appealing to you, here is some good news: with a little bit of reflection, planning, and dreaming, you can turn many of your boring old daily or weekly or yearly routines into rituals. This type of thinking is at the heart of demanding the shimmer!

 

Here are some ways to get you started:

 

* Think about a routine that you have – whether it be something like a daily hygiene routine (washing up and brushing teeth), to a weekly trip to the same grocery store with the same list and the same route through the aisles that you could do with your eyes closed.

 

* Think about the ways in which that routine is actually a privilege. Aren’t you lucky to have the means do those things? Take a little time to really appreciate and revere the opportunity to do this action on a regular basis.

 

* What is the larger purpose of the routine? For example, it would be easy to just think of washing up and brushing teeth as a way to keep from being dirty and stinky, but it is also a way to show your body some real care and honor, to pamper yourself, to keep yourself looking and feeling your best, and even as part of the creation of the image that you are putting in the world as a person who cares about detail.

 

* How can you immerse all of your senses and your full attention into the actions you are doing? Think about sight, sound, smell, taste, and feel – how could you add something to what you are doing to heighten the experience you are engaged in and bring yourself a boost of positivity and pleasure through all of these senses, if even only for a minute or two?

 

Once you’ve thought through these things, you can design an upgraded sequence by beginning it with gratitude, thinking about its larger purpose, and adding elements of joy through all of your senses. Guess what? Bam – you now have a ritual!

 

You may start small with some personal rituals, and if you find that what used to bore you or seem like a vaguely annoying necessity is now something you look forward to, then you may want to work with your family and friends to see if you can upgrade some of your joint activities into rituals. The sky’s the limit.

 

Cheers,

Lisa

 

P.S. Slightly off topic, but writing about this and thinking about repetition reminded me of a song that used to be one of my favorites and I haven’t heard it in forever – I got so much pleasure from YouTubing it and hearing it again that I just had to share! It’s from one of Prince’s less acclaimed (but one of my favorite) albums, Graffiti Bridge, and it’s called Joy in Repetition . Do you remember that song from 1990? Go check it out. It’s hauntingly beautiful and gives me chills.