For my 20th (!) blog post I have been thinking about how to return to the origins of this project: Demand the Shimmer. I realized this week that a conversation that Kurt and I had in Hawaii this summer is a great vehicle for taking us back to what it really means to demand the shimmer.
We were on a walk (actually, it was Big Walk Day – see last November’s post about that) and I had asked Kurt about a change I was proposing in how we ended the route. He said it sounded good which for him meant he agreed (in earnest) and the matter was closed. But I kept going, talking about why I thought it was a good idea. This has been a pattern of ours for years and I think it makes him a tiny bit crazy. He already agreed to it; why am I still providing reasons? I could tell he was getting slightly annoyed (and we were on like mile 19 at this point, and a bit hangry, so no surprise). I said, “when I do this, I’m really trying to convince myself.” He said the insight from that was like a lightning bolt, and changed everything. He not only understood what I persisted but recognized that there were fundamental differences in how we make decisions – even ones that involve both of us.
The next day over poke and beer we continued this conversation, leading to a discussion of satisficers and maximizers. For those of you unfamiliar with these concepts, they are terms describing general decision making tendencies– they’ve been heavily researched for years in psychology, business, behavioral economics, etc. In a nutshell, maximizers want to make sure that they make the very best decision or choice out of all possible decisions or choices. They spend a lot of time thinking and researching their options, and often hesitate before taking action. In the extreme, they may end up with analysis paralysis, especially in cases where there are tons of choices – something that happens nowadays so much more frequently. They also often feel some regret over choices, or at least lingering doubt over whether it was actually the best.
Satisficers, on the other hand, decide on a set of criteria for what they want, including what (or whether) something is required and whether it is just desirable. They favor efficient decision making; when they encounter something that fits their must-have list, they are likely to make that choice, and then not give it much thought after. It’s not that they just choose any old thing – they do have criteria, but they are not outsized and they don’t feel the need to make every possible comparison and rank order the potential choices. If it’s over the bar, it will suffice.
As we discussed what happened, Kurt proposed that the crux of this recurring issue might be that he is a satisficer and I am a maximizer – but I immediately scoffed at that idea. Truth be told, I always identified as a satisficer. I generally make quick decisions and I’m rarely disappointed in my choices.
But wait…what about demanding the shimmer? Let’s revisit some points I made when I launched this project. In the origin story on the landing page I say, in reflecting on the fateful magnetic poetry phrase demand the shimmer, that “good enough, okay, and fine are no ways to live” and we should “not settle for the dull and matte; look for the spark in everything.” The essential goal of my Demand the Shimmer project – this blog, website, and products – are to help people find more joy in the everyday.
Is being a satisficer antithetical to this? Am I actually encouraging people to behave like maximizers? Or worse, as perfectionists?
No, I’m really not. And I do want to make sure that’s clear. This philosophy for a joyful life is not to demand the very best of everything. It’s not to hold out for the perfect choice. Best and perfect have no home in a joyful life.
I think to be a shimmerer (I know, I know – it does not glide off the tongue, but let’s go with it) means to include in those criteria of must haves something that brings you joy. Maybe slide a little something over from the desirable list to the required list. Not everything, but ask yourself honestly, is there something joyful in this choice.? If not at first glance, can I create something joyful from this choice – or will this choice lead to the likelihood of something joyful increasing down the line? If it does, that qualifies as not settling for fine.
Essentially, it’s satisficing – but with jazz hands.